What Now?

Christianity is not for the faint of heart.

Ben got his new MCAT score a few weeks ago...which is exactly the same MCAT score he had before. So we are in the same position of no man's land that we have been living in for several years. We have been praying all along for direction: a stellar MCAT score that would assure a position in a medical school and confirm to us that this is God's plan AND/OR we have been praying for such an atrocious score that we would KNOW that we could never get into medical school and hence know that God's plan is to stop pursuing this dream. But the same score...what does that mean? And maybe I am just playing a contemporary game of casting lots and reading tea leaves but I thought the score was going to tell us something.

And maybe it does and maybe it doesn't. And maybe what's more important is not that whether or not we decide to keep chasing after medical school but whether or not we keep praying. Sometimes I feel like giving up on prayer, like I'll just do it--just figure it out myself. It's like when Ben says he will fix something around the house (and I know he will do a better job than I am going to do) but I don't want to wait because I am in that kind of mood so I fix it myself and turns out to be a mess. Maybe that's what it looks like when I grow impatient.

But I do really trust that God has a better plan than I do (most hours of most days). So whatever happens...more tries at medical school, getting a job as a line chef, moving to Germany for a bit of fresh air...we are going to keep praying. After all, no one said this life was going to be easy. It was never promised that we would always understand everything that happens to us. We have been promised that we aren't going this alone. Thank God for that.