Onward

So the update I promised ages ago...Ben quitting his job.

Ben quit his job at the beginning of June. It was something we had talked and prayed about for a long, long time. We didn't necessarily have an answer to prayer (no lightening--my expectations were high) or even a conclusion we felt good about but for a thousand reasons it was the thing we had to do. We were rolling down this hill towards the American dream without any chance of adventure. I could see our 2.5 children with our well behaved dog in the horizon, framed by our white picket fence. Now don't get me wrong, I want children nearly more than anything. And I am actually a big fan of white picket fences. But I want to chose those things in my life and not have them thrust upon me. And I felt like these things were along the trajectory of someone else's life. Someone whose goal in life was to hit all the milestones on time because "it's what you do."

This has been very difficult for me. I follow the rules, painstakingly...I don't ruin my dinner with dessert, I call my grandmothers every week, I drink 8 glasses of water a day and eat 4 servings of vegetables, I write thank you notes, I vacuum under the bed. I am neurotic. I people please. So when Ben quit his job (with my full support and prodding) I panicked inside, "What will people say?" "People will think I am irresponsible. People will think I am a bad wife."

But I could feel it in my bones that if I didn't grab onto a tree along the downward slope towards suburbia and alter my path I would miss out on the desires I have carried inside me for as long as I can remember and amazingly that Ben has had too. We want to meet people of different cultures, examine our own from a different lens. We want to know God and worship Him from a worldview that isn't seasoned with materialism and American expectations. And ultimately, our desire is to please God, to live a life that is most honoring to Him. The fumes of selfish ambition are already wafting up our nostrils here in our apartment. I catch myself longing for, I mean obsessively thinking about, that new pair of cowboy boots I want and I forget that I don't even need those and that there are people in my church, people on my street, patients in my office that have actual needs. The older I get, the better I become at justifying my selfishness...but I really do need that pair of boots...what if I go horseback riding next fall...and everyone else I know owns a pair...and...me...me...me.

And maybe this all doesn't jive for you. You might think it's okay to shake your fist at the American dream but what does that have to do with Ben quitting his job? Ben wants to be a doctor--not a scientist. And when he talked to MCG on the phone they said his job was NOT helping him get in. So Ben is using this time away from work (in Germany right now for a month) to try and help his med school application. He is also scoping out Germany as a possible place to live. He is also saying no to a career that is safe but unfulfilling. We just couldn't let it go too far.

My greatest fear in writing this post is sounding ungrateful...that I don't recognize the sacrifice and love my parents put into raising my two sisters and I. If there is anyone I could be like in my life, it is my two parents. So I am most definitely not criticizing family and children and working hard and working hard to provide even if you don't like your job. Ben and I just have to take this chance, just have to walk out in faith at this time in our lives. The season is right.

So our future is unknown. Benny is in Germany right now: praying, thinking, immersing himself in the German language (of which he is already prolific), spending time with his brother, Bruce, improving his tennis game, and missing me terribly, I'm sure :) He is still waitlisted at MCG. He will probably get his MCAT score tomorrow.

So pray for us and forgive me for such a long post and no pictures :)

A cookie only a microbiologist could love

Humble Pie

Ben quit his job last week (I know, I know, another story for another blog post) but in any case his last day was this past Thursday and I wanted him to have an appropriate send off: cookies! I had this great idea to use someone else's great idea to make petri dish cookies to celebrate Ben's work at the CDC. Please see Not So Humble Pie who made BEAUTIFUL petri dish cookies. I just knew mine would turn out as well.

I made from scratch old fashioned sugar cookies. Then I made royal icing for the agar (a full bottle of red food coloring...is that bad for you?) and decorative bacterial streaking. Benny provided the appropriate muscle I needed for sifting the seven cups of confectioners sugar (which ended up breaking our sifter). But the dough was delicious and the icing colorful and sweet. And then finally, decorating with my fancy pastry tool: a Kroger brand plastic bag.

Now get excited about the reveal...



Now, I know if that you have never taken a microbiology class you will have no idea what this cookie is supposed to look like and then again, even if you have taken such a class the decoration is probably still indiscernible.

After the cookies turned out so poorly I was devastated: and only half because I didn't have anything to send with Benny to work. I was also sorry that my come-back blog post (after a three week hiatus) was not going to proclaim my prodigiousness as a baker.

The funny thing is, Ben did take two cookies to work to our friend June because she likes sweets even if they're not pretty. And guess what, they were a big hit at the office! All of the scientists knew what they were! Unfortunately, with only two cookies there was only looking no tasting.

So, next time I bake themed cookies for Ben's going away party at work, I will send the cookies with him no matter what they look like!